Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Significant Other II.

Here is an relevant fact.
The Significant Other (SO) is female.
Her name is D.
[ What? You think I would put her full name on a blog that I am trying to keep semi-anonymous? Especially since I just got browned. ]

If you plow through the past entries with this fact in mind, you would notice that I have diligently avoided references to gender when previously mentioning the SO. Given the past information from my posts without knowing me in person, it would have been equally possible that I was in non-hetrosexual relationship.

It is interesting to see how many blog comments (and emails) assume a hetrosexual relationship when there is no hard evidence to support it. It is a valid assumption given that homosexual relationships are in the minority, but still it only highlights for me a tiny taste of the challenges that the non-hetrosexual community has to face in Singapore. Especially those who have not been "outed".

Perhaps you could have been making that reasonable assumption? Food for thought the next time you hear a homophobic slur as an insult (even in jest). In my opinion, having reasoned thought-out arguments or even having religious objections against non-traditional lifestyles is acceptable. Character assassination of an entire stereotype is not. "Gays" are not a moral bogeyman that you trot out for political or religious leverage. These are your brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues, the persons next-door that you are being disrespectful to. You may just not know it yet.


The challenge will be the period of "separation" when your SO is in S'pore while you are in Oz.
- note from blog reader over email

If she is the love of your life, don't give her up for the sake of economic comfort (or whatever that made you consider migration in the first place).
- anonymous comment on
Migrate With Me?

i just wanted to tell u, i miss my guy in Perth immensely. [...] and we never know when we'll meet again [...] being a student - poor, working - richer but less time off to spend with him. sigh.
- anonymous comment on
Datapoints Perth 03.
Yes I already hold an Australia PR visa. However D. does not not. And I am not leaving without her. [ Full stop. See comment to Jelts. Suggestions welcome. Trolls will get zapped as they interfere with my thought process. ]

Having said that, I fear it may eventually come down a period of separation in the worst-case. Something that I would very much like to avoid for my mental health and sanity. Well at least D. is no longer ambivalent on the issue. And she was admonishing gently advising me not to use such cheem words like "ambivalent".

The nitty-gritty details of the current situation:

  • D. has been attending night classes for the last couple years to get a technical qualification. We both agree it would be highly unwise to abandon her dream after all the sweat and tears over the last few years. The course of study - which requires her presence in Singapore - should be completed somewhere in 2006. (Or 2007 in the pessimistic case.)

  • D. does not qualify for an Australian PR visa under the Independent Skilled Migration Scheme as she cannot achieve the 120-point pass mark.

  • Partner migration is possible, but we are currently unable to obtain an Assurance of Support (AoS). The AoS is a significant legal commitment by an resident or citizen with documented income history in Australia, to reimburse the welfare system for any benefits drawn by a new migrant for the first two years.

  • I am not moving without having a concrete plan for D. to join me. Preferably relocating at the same time together or at least with definite plans to reunite in Australia at a later date.

  • In the extreme worst case, we are looking at a 3-year physical separation until I can qualify on the Australia income history to sponsor her across as a partner. This is a very bad plan as it will place huge stresses on our relationship.
We are still discussing and have yet to decide on the best course of action. The good news is that at least we are actively talking about putting in concrete plans with definite timelines. Any constructive suggestions or ideas highly welcome.

In any case (for personal reasons which I am not about to go into), I will not be able to relocate permanently until end of the year. To just "up and go" is proving to be more difficult than expected. Even for a rootless drifter like myself.

And so the clock keeps ticking...


"She don’t know how much I need her
She don’t know I’d fall apart
Without her kiss, without her touch
Without her faithful, loving arms
She don’t know that it’s all about her
She don’t know I can’t live without her
She’s my world, she’s my everything
And she thinks she needs me"
- Andy Griggs, lyrics to She Thinks She Needs Me


Blogger Calamity Man said...

my respect for you is one notch higher.

in other news, that's it mate, i can't hold it any longer over here. doesn't have to be perth but i'm definitely transplanting myself elsewhere.

will probably get in touch with you about this when my feelings have settled down.

March 08, 2005 9:45 PM  
Blogger C said...

I have to admit that i'd never considered the possibility of your SO being male. Apologies for the lack of laterality there, definitely a case of taking for granted.

A 3 year seperation sucks arse. I'm assuming neither of you have rellies anywhere in Australia. If you guys have plans to wait a while then keep an eye on the MODL (Occupations in demand, can't remember exactly what it stands for) list, which allocates a bunch of extra points for skilled people they currently want. I'm sure you would have come across this at some point during your application process. The items on that list change fairly frequently. If D is getting a technical qualification, she might swing some extra points there.

Much luck!

March 08, 2005 11:10 PM  
Blogger C said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

March 08, 2005 11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, i found the link:

March 08, 2005 11:19 PM  
Anonymous Kristian said...

The Assureance of Support for partner migration should be discretionary. If your SO has tertiary education, speaks English well and has employment prospects, then there's a high chance that it will not required.

klam [at] mac.com

March 09, 2005 8:29 AM  
Anonymous TheTick said...

Yes, a 3 year separation sucks. In fact, I am facing a potential 3 year separation in myself. However, my situation is slightly different as I am already married.

I have not been following your blog. Probably SO can consider doing her studies in Australia that will enable you to stay with her for the 3 years? That is if both of u are able to keep up with it financially.

March 09, 2005 8:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my hubby & I were physical separated for 3 year during courtship.Now we are married with a baby boy.
It does help in building trust between us.
So don't be despair - the relationship will work out IF you MAKE it work.

March 25, 2006 8:52 AM  

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