Friday, December 10, 2004

Unemployment Blues II.

I am now officially an unemployed bum. The problem is I cannot afford (literally!) to be a bum. Bills have to be paid.

Yesterday was my last day with the now-ex-employer doing all the exit paperwork. The parting was amiable and relatively painless. As long as the last check clears, I am satisfied with how it all turned out. Chalk another one up for "learning experience".

Was driving around the far end of Tuas late last night trying to catch a sight of the stars through the cloud cover. The friends with me who came along for the ride were quite happy to see the sky with a couple stars. Did not have to heart to spoil that magical moment for them at that point. Having seen the southern hemisphere sky from the mountains away from the city lights on cold cloudless winter nights, it was not as much a thrill for me. Kind of like having to settle for Magnolia ice cream after you have tasted Haagen Dazs. Still better than nothing of course, but never quite the same.

Note of trivia: One of them pointed out that the Tuas Power Station must run on diesel as he caught whiff of the fumes near the station. Never really noticed till it was pointed out to me. I quite like the faint smell of diesel from a distance. It has a very earthy and industrial feeling to it.

Got back slightly before 4am and slept until past noon. Woke up feeling kind of lost and at loose ends.

What next? I do not know.
How am I to pay my bills? I do not know.
What is the state of my finances? I have not worked it out.
Am I hunting for another job? Half-heartedly.
What am I going to do next? I have no idea.

You know the shimmering you see through vodka fumes above a full shot glass (especially after you had a few)? My life sort of feels that way at the moment. Shimmering, moving and constantly moving in and out of focus. With all this uncertainty there is change in the air. Which might not be a bad thing.

In the meantime I will rest. When I can.


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